Back to school: The first bell doesn't sound the same to all children

The start of a new school year is always a time of change for children and for the entire family. A new class, new teachers, classmates, schedule and obligations come to replace the more relaxed pace and carefree summer.

For some children, returning to school brings joy, excitement and impatience. For others, however, the first bell can be accompanied by anxiety, insecurity, fear or even intense difficulty. And this is something we need to remember: not all children experience returning to school in the same way, nor do they all need the same time to adapt.

The change can be even more intense for children who are going to school for the first time, but also for those who are changing school environments or educational levels. The transition from elementary school to middle school or from middle school to high school brings new demands, different relationships, and more expectations, at a time when children and adolescents are already facing significant changes in their lives and development.

Making room for feelings

Adjustment takes time. In the first few days or weeks, we may see a child being more nervous or irritable, having difficulty sleeping, worrying more, or even saying that they don’t want to go to school.

The first thing they need from us is not necessarily a solution. They need to feel that they can talk to us and that what they are feeling has a place in our relationship.

Many times, in our attempt to reassure a child, we may say “there is no need to be afraid,” “don’t worry,” or “you will get used to it.” These phrases are said with the best of intentions, but we may unintentionally make the child feel that what they are feeling is not important or that they should not be feeling it.

It may be more helpful to listen. To ask what is making them difficult, what is worrying them, what they need from us. We do not need to make every difficult feeling disappear. We need to help the child recognize it, express it, and, little by little, learn that they can manage it.

Stability creates security

Returning to a stable daily routine can help significantly. A relatively stable sleep and meal schedule, the organization of the school day, but also time for rest, play and activities help the child to regain a rhythm and a sense of predictability after the holidays.

It is equally important to pay attention to our own attitude as adults. Children understand much more than we often believe. They perceive our anxiety, our expectations and the pressure that may exist around school and their performance.

If from the very first days our interest is focused on grades, reading and "doing well", there is a risk that the new school year will be associated more with pressure than with learning.

Because school is not only about grades and exams. It is about friends, relationships, experiences, successes and disappointments. It is a place where the child learns not only math and language, but also about himself, others and the world around him. And, through all of this, he is taking small but important steps towards his independence.

When Anxiety Persists

A period of adjustment at the beginning of the school year is normal. But there are times when we need to pay more attention.

When anxiety or distress persists, is very intense, or begins to significantly affect a child’s sleep, relationships, daily life, or functioning at school, it is important not to ignore it.

Communication between parents and the school is often a first and very useful step in getting a more complete picture of what is happening. And when difficulties persist, support from a properly trained mental health professional can help both the child and the family better understand what is happening and find ways to manage it.

As the new school year begins, it is worth remembering something simple: the first bell does not sound the same to all children.

Behind an excitement, a silence, an anger, a stomachache in the morning or a “I don’t want to go to school” there can be very different feelings and needs.

Let’s give them space to talk to us. Time to adjust. And, most importantly, the confidence that whatever they are feeling, they don’t have to deal with it alone.

Thekla Vasiliou

Psychologist (MSc)

Systemic Psychotherapist

PAP President